my mother is a tart

Today is my mom's birthday, and to celebrate we hosted a tart party on her lovely front porch. What is a tart party, you may ask. Well, a tart party is a party at which you both eat tarts and dress up as a tart, or, more simply put, you are what you eat. However, tart in slang is defined by wiktionary as any of the following:

1. a sort of fruit pie
2. any woman with loose sexual morals
3. To dress garishly or ostentatiously

At this tart party there were three fruit tarts, 8 women dressed as tarts, and one male spectator who sat on the porch drinking a beer and smoking his pipe until the end of the party. None of the tart-women had brought their husbands (although all the husbands were invited) and one woman even said she was so excited her daughter and husband had gone to town for the day so she wouldn't be bothered at the party.

I must admit I enjoyed listening to the conversations of all the large-breasted middle-aged women, all of whom talked about their kids, who are my age, and their frequent and idiotic run-ins with the cops.

My mom lives in High Falls, which is an area of "upstate New York" to those who live in New York City, and a part of the city to those who actually live upstate. Everyone in this town used to live in NYC and moved here to get away. The town is upstate-paced, and the houses have upstate-paint jobs, and the co-op sells upstate food, but not so deep down everyone is a city kid. Maybe it's just the vogue.