Taking off is a very different experience when you are seated next to a jet engine. The sound is like what someone once described to me as what happens to you when you inhale homemade ether (a kind of wom wom WOM WOM around your head). The irregular clicks and groans it produces resemble the sound of the rickety wooden roller coaster in Coney Island. It also appears always to be just about to fall off the side of the aircraft.

Landing is also different with extreme turbulence. You never realize how fast you're really moving until the plane starts jumping back and forth on the angry wind patterns, it's an out-of-control racecar kind of feeling, hurdling. Enthralling, let me tell you.

Also, don't fly American. Although if you do, you might get the funny flight attendant who made all of the following announcements:

Please keep your seat backs in their upright and most uncomfortable positions.

It is highly likely that you will starve to death on American Airlines, but we will keep you hydrated.

American Airlines has many wonderful professionally trained staff members, unfortunately none of them are on this flight.

Thank you for flying with an airline that hasn't yet filed for bankruptcy.

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